In 2019, Trinidadian Natasha Ramesar was a happy and content boutique owner. She didn’t know much about cancer and didn’t need to because she had always been healthy. But that all changed in 2019 when she was diagnosed with Stage II and III bilateral breast cancer.
- The hardest part was facing the fact that my case wasn’t temporary. It was not something that I could bounce back from. I had to live with uncertainty and new challenges for the rest of my life, said Ramesar, who shared that difficult parts of being sick were not always visible.
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- My faith in God is very strong, and I was praying all through this ordeal, said Ramesar. I believe God had a hand in this because I don’t think I would have survived those six weeks of radiotherapy.
- My family told me to shut up, she said. That there are people with worse problems.
- Ramesar said her advice to those going through what she went through would be to: breathe and take things one day at a time. Accept help when it’s offered. Ask questions and advocate for yourself. Acknowledge your emotions. Celebrate small victories. Stay connected. Be patient with yourself. Love yourself.
The hardest part was facing the fact that my case wasn’t temporary. It was not something that I could bounce back from. I had to live with uncertainty and new challenges for the rest of my life, said Ramesar, who shared that difficult parts of being sick were not always visible.
While the physical symptoms were obvious, most of the trauma went unseen. Ramesar was often met with harsh judgments because she appeared to be “normal” to everybody. She describes herself as a high-functioning cancer survivor who experiences symptoms such as neuropathy, lymphatic drainage issues, swelling, inflammation, bone loss, and brain fog all at the same time. “Few people seemed to recognize that I was navigating one of the most frightening experiences a person can face, and that’s because they were compassionate and treated my case with care and kindness,” said Ramesar.
Cancer changed every aspect of Ramesar’s life. Her days revolved around surviving, doctors’ appointments, treatments and waiting for results and answers. She said waiting alone was exhausting. “I could never be at ease during that time because the waiting represented unanswered questions, the fear of what was coming, and the feeling that my life was no longer my own.” While she was sick, Ramesar lost three of her siblings and sold her business. “I kept asking myself, how do I live with this? Why is this happening to me?”
According to Ramesar, normally after Chemotherapy, people must wait at least eight weeks for the body to be clear of the chemo drugs before starting radiation. She explained that in her case, she was put on a waiting list for radiotherapy for about a year. She claims that the Cancer Centre she was assigned to had problems with the radiation machine. It was down for quite a while.
[Additonal Read: How a Puerto Rican Oncologist Is Making Trust, Representation and Community Central to the Future of Cancer Care ]
Ramesar was eventually directed to social services department to see if they would assist me in getting it done at a private institution. The application was approved, and she was scheduled to visit that institution for consultation. When she got there, she was told by a doctor that it was bilateral BC and would have to undergo six weeks of radiation. She was told to come back in three weeks to do measurements and such.
While waiting for them to get back to her, Ramesar received a call from the Cancer Centre, where she was told that the machine was up and running-and that she was next in line for radiotherapy. She decided to accept that appointment instead of the one at the private institution. When she went in for the measurements and the scan, the doctors told her she would need two weeks of radiotherapy, not six.
My faith in God is very strong, and I was praying all through this ordeal, said Ramesar. I believe God had a hand in this because I don’t think I would have survived those six weeks of radiotherapy.
Ramesar said she has sensitive skin and on the very last day of radiotherapy, sustained 2 burns, one under my right arm and one on my chest area.
When Ramesar began writing articles about her experience and posting them on social media, her relatives were not supportive.
My family told me to shut up, she said. That there are people with worse problems.
Ramesar went on to share that she thinks it is important to talk about these subjects because some people seem to think that once you’ve had cancer and get to remission, you are fine. You can happily resume your life and forget about the rest. That is a lie. Illness is not purely biological. Cancer involves the body, the mind, and the social environment.
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As a cancer survivor, Ramesar said she doesn’t have a “typical day”. Since being diagnosed, her morning routine involves medication, stretching and lymphatic drainage. She sits in the sun for an hour most days for bone health.
“I sing and dance in the kitchen while cooking. Nothing too frivolous, just to keep my body moving,” said Ramesar. She explained that her hobbies have changed since the diagnosis. She relaxes with family members from time to time and likes to visit nearby cafes and bistros with friends or engage in activities that support well-being. There is always an awareness of my condition playing in the background. “My day tends to move in fragments. It’s not linear.”
If time permits, Ramesar, now age 55, hopes to write more about her journey, some advocating, and get more in touch with her creative side. Ramesar said that she is not glad’ per se that she got diagnosed with cancer, but now accepts her journey and understands that cancer is not a punishment.
Ramesar said her advice to those going through what she went through would be to: breathe and take things one day at a time. Accept help when it’s offered. Ask questions and advocate for yourself. Acknowledge your emotions. Celebrate small victories. Stay connected. Be patient with yourself. Love yourself.
